The Angry Birds Movie: Crash Landing

Film: Angry Birds

Director: Clay Kaytis, Fergal Reilly

Rating: PG

I'll be honest, I feel like I'm getting old. That's quite something to say from a 23-year-old loser who has done nothing extraordinary or contributing to the masses, and probably never will, at this point. All I feel like I do is stare at a screen for 60% of the day and think to myself "Man, I could be doing a billion better things right now" as I browse the same web pages over and over, check my social media havens to see if anyone liked my posts or if anyone other than a twitter bot has followed me, as I continue to become even more cynical of what I consider a good time. Then I watched The Angry Birds Movie and realized that I'd probably be better off wasting my time on a screen doing the same routine ad nauseam and continuing to put up with my cynical demeanor.

Video game film adaptations have always had such a notorious reputation of being some of the most sub-par content this side of earning a D in your Intro to Criminal Justice class because of how disinterested in the subject you were and had a hard time paying attention to the professor who spoke so monotonically like the police officer and attorney he was, and the fact that there was this cute girl with glasses that you couldn't keep your eyes off of until you realized she was married and had a kid... not like this happened to me or anything. Weird comparison aside, video game films have often just been mediocre at best, to blood boiling bad at worst, to downright confusing at "whuh" in execution. The reputations of these films are so shoddy, that the moment a trailer hits and you see a tagline that says, "Based on the hit video game," you can get a general idea of how the film is going to turnout: Not Good.

Angry Birds continues to be a reminder that you can pretty much take a brand at the peak of its popularity and turn it into a film that the masses will eat up. While films like The Super Mario Bros. Movie can revel in just how weird the film is, The Angry Birds Movie instead brings in an entry level blandness, complete with cliched writing and characters, unlikable characters, and low effort humor that fails to bring in the laughs.

So, what is the story of Angry Birds? As far as the plot goes, is about as much of a story you can make of the lore of Angry Birds, a series with lore the depth of a puddle on the sidewalk. Red is a red (who knew), flightless bird who is known for having anger management issues, gets sent to anger management class after a series of outbursts cause him to be a detriment to the other birds on the island he lives on. He meets up with other birds in the class: Chuck, a fast-talking petty criminal, Bomb, a large, black bird known for exploding, Matilda, the class instructor, and Terrance, a large, intimidating bird who secretly has a heart of gold (kill me please). One day, a colony of pigs come to the island under the guise of friendly visitors, who show the birds of the island innovative technology to improve their lives, while the pigs plot to steal the eggs of the birds. Red sees through their scheme, but the other birds don't believe him until the eggs are stolen. So, it is up to Red and his new found "friends" to find a way to defeat the evil pigs and take back the eggs that were stolen from them.

If you look in the dictionary for the word "originality," first it would tell you the ability of being original, and in your frustration, you scan for the word "original" and you will find that the The Angry Birds Movie is written right next to it. Then you realize that there was a mistake in the dictionary and you white out this movie and you draw your OC from Doctor Who, Sherlock, or whatever show the masses are frothing at the mouth for this month. Angry Birds takes such a lazy approach to a film, that it sacrifices some of the accuracy of the original plot to shoehorn a story about a misunderstood outsider, ostracized by his own people because they don't understand him. This has been done to the point of annoyance in plenty of stories over the years. Not to mention, they steal themes from other stories as well, like The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Also, there is no reason to have Red be a social outcast. It doesn't make him any stronger of a character. It may make his anger more identifiable, sure, but giving a character identity isn't going to automatically make them a good character, especially when not just the main character, but almost everyone in this movie is an asshole to the point of absolute no likability.

I guess it's as good a time as ever to discuss the characters. It's no secret that I dislike every single character in this movie, from their personality, to their lack of originality, and the writing. Like I mentioned earlier, every character's personality is like having a positive trait when tasting litmus paper; gross. The personalities of the main characters, specifically Red and Chuck, make the film feel so mean spirited that it becomes hard to watch at times. Everyone is so mean to each other and the film gives zero time for the characters to sit down and have a quiet, bonding moment to let the characters develop a friendship with one another. The movie is more concerned with rushing out jokes and using fast paced animation and loud noises as a distraction, like rattling your keys in front of your infant child to entertain them. While the animation does fit the tone and genre of the film, with its large uses of face contortion, nothing about it really sticks out ahead of other 3D animated films.

Speaking of the humor, very few, if any, of the jokes landed with me as I watched this movie. The Angry Birds Movie bases its humor mostly in puns, as far as dialogue humor goes, and if you knew my sense of humor, you would know that I'm not too fond of puns. I think it's a lazy form of comedy that doesn't take that much effort and wit to execute. Then again, some people may not find a video of Tourettes Guy telling Colgate customer service that their toothpaste with tartar control made him feel "like a piece of shit" as funny, but I digress; humor is subjective. Still, the humor isn't just puns, there is also high-brow comedy of Mighty Eagle peeing in a lake that Chuck and Bomb swam in and drank from for a good minute or so. Kids deserve better than this. Heck, any Angry Birds fans left out there deserve better.

Currently, in the life of video game film adaptations, I feel like progress is still not being made. It doesn't matter if you have accuracy to the source material or passable animation or effects. The idea is to try to translate the story or concept of the game you're adapting into the language of film, which if you aren't fluent or have a good understanding of, it's not going to fly well, even with a slingshot as a sendoff. Even if your film is a financial success, like this one was, it doesn't paint a good picture for the future of these adaptations in the future. I'm not holding out on hope for the future Mario film by Illumination Studios at this point.

Verdict: 2/10 (I didn't like it.)